by Tim on November 29, 2009
These past weeks have been a serious reality check for us. All of us have been sick, hurt, or both at one point or another. Not surprisingly, this has weakened both our physical and emotional defenses. That’s a nice way of saying that we’ve turned into a bunch of grumpy, rundown, sick people who aren’t coping well.
I tend to process things best by writing about them. This has been one of those periods where every time I sit down to write, my brain just locks up like an overloaded computer. If nothing else, I guess it’s made me appreciate perhaps a little of what days are like for those of our kids whose brains are overwhelmed most of the day every day.
It recently became evident that we were losing control of most facets of our life. The J-Man was obviously experiencing some significant changes to his sensory system, and seemingly none of them for the good. He seems to shoot wildly between wide-open, screechy, running around, stimming overload to almost totally shut down. It’s hard for him to find a happy medium. That on top of all of our physical and emotional wear-and-tear and stress so thick you could cut it with a knife, we’ve been fast reaching an unsustainable place in life. And then last week it became really clear that it was worse than we thought. (More on that in a second.)
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The number 7 is considered especially significant in many cultures and religions. It exists as an important symbol in a variety of scriptural texts around the world. To avoid going off on a likely very boring tangent, I’ll leave it at that and just say…
Happy 7th Anniversary to us!
Together we became four this year – an anniversary gift three months early! (And no, we are not shooting for a family of 7 – or even 5.) So obviously it’s been a wild and wacky year for us. I remember last anniversary being rather crazy with the J-Man’s evaluations, IEPs, etc. all happening within a short time in and around there. Not sure this year is any less crazy, though for the most part it’s a pretty good kind of crazy.
The local schools gave us a nice anniversary gift by scheduling the J-Man’s school to start back up again today after a five-week break. (And what a break it’s been…) Thank you! Of course, he decided to sleep in forever this morning (the one morning we needed him to get up) so we had to wake his dead carcass up and prod him through the routine in order to get to school on time. Not-So-Little-Anymore E has been remarkably calm today. He’s still sleeping wonderfully! Great presents all around for this day!
I’ve posted this before, but I think it bears repeating. We like going back to look at our wedding vows, and anniversaries are obviously a perfect time to do that. Ours turned out to be far more appropriate and perhaps prescient than we could possibly have known about then.
“I love you just as you are. I accept you as a blessing from God. I join with you today to be the partner of all my days, to be the mother of our children, to be the companion of my house; we shall keep together what share of trouble and sorrow our lives may lay upon us, and we shall hold together our store of goodness and plenty and love.
When our way becomes difficult, I promise to stand by you and uplift you, so that through our union we can accomplish more than we could alone. I promise to honor and care for you, to speak the truth to you in love, and to cherish and encourage your own fulfillment through all the changes of our lives. I will stand beside you in joy or in sorrow, in ease and in conflict, putting the commitment we make today above any obstacle that we may face.
This is my solemn vow.”
Sometimes I wonder whether I would have wanted to change the word ‘obstacle’ to something else if we could go back and do that. In truth, they’ve proven to be ‘challenges’, which are both difficult and full of opportunity at the same time. By facing them together, we’ve done well in the face of the adversities and realized a lot of the gifts that come from those opportunities.
So, here’s to 700 more (or even more) anniversaries!
And here are some of the other greatest hits about marriage from our blog, in case you’re feeling – or want to feel – all warm and fuzzy and a bit reflective today.
by Mary on November 26, 2008
I know, it’s Thanksgiving, and everyone is doing it. Sometimes, that’s not a bad thing.
I am thankful.
I am thankful for my husband, son, and the little bean-son growing. Without Tim, my life wouldn’t be fun, filled with laughter and love, and there would be a giant Tim-sized hole in my heart. Without the J-man, I wouldn’t know how wonderful it is to be his mom. Lucky it turned out that way – I’m not one of those women who adore all children… but the ones in my life are incredible. I’m thankful for the bean, because now at least I understand all those women who talk about the difficulties of pregnancy. Before, I always thought they were exaggerating at least a little! I’m glad that with all the difficulties, we’re both still healthy and right on schedule. Plus, another little boy to run around with! Hurray!
I am thankful for my family – and that includes those blood-related, and those who are family “in my heart.” Sometimes (OK, lots of times) we disagree on big, huge, important things… but they are always there for me. Somebody said, “Family is the people who, when you turn up on their doorstep, can’t turn you away.” Yeah, that’s us.
I’m thankful to be working in a job that I don’t hate, with people who believe I know what I’m doing, and act accordingly. How wonderful that is, and what a serious weight off me when I moved to this position.
I’m thankful we’re safe, reasonably secure, and live in a place where I can go outside without a male relative accompanying me. I’m glad we live in a place where religion isn’t mandated. I’m glad I can visit anywhere I want on the web (except at work where the firewall has odd ideas about categories sometimes). I’m glad I know people on the web, and that we are friends.
Tim and I used to talk about the idea that when we were younger, we both needed someone to rescue us from our lives. I’m thankful we both rescued ourselves… and then found each other again.
by Mary on October 29, 2008
I am working like crazy on a report for work. When I say a report, I actually mean the software behind that nice Excel report that you get – the software that is going to drive me to the insane asylum all by itself. My boss even says “this shows how immature this software is” when today we couldn’t get a number to act like a number. We truly had to “sneak up on it from the other side” to get the software to recognize that the field should be a number. Oh, and that software? We’re upgrading to version 3.0 soon. Can’t wait, since we’ve already found how buggy 3.0 is!
I DREAM about this stupid report. I sit up in the middle of the night with an “ah-ha!” moment. I already have to wake up 3 times per night to pee. I don’t NEED to wake up any more times!
In actual J-man news, I am now persona-non-grata. He has become a definite Daddy’s boy… which, you know, hurts my feelings. I’m all, “I carried you around inside me for 41 1/2 weeks, was in labor for almost 18 hours, and am STILL nursing you, and this is the thanks I get?”
Then, I pull myself back from the ledge of actually being MY MOTHER, and cool down. If the J-man is a Daddy’s boy, it means Mommy gets to eat dinner. You know, eat dinner, and not have to stop eleventy-seven times for something the Little Man wants. It means I don’t have to carry him around the entire time I’m downstairs. It means if I can’t get the J-man to put on clothes, it’s Daddy’s job.
OK, I’ll take that part. But I still miss being the one who makes him smile when he sees me.
On a personal health note, I went to a follow-up visit to the cardiologist yesterday. He was concerned about the pitting edema in my feet/ankles, but we can’t really do anything about it because of the bean. He asked if I was still having shortness of breath and some pain, and I said yes. He asked if I was going to the doctor about it, and I said, “Look, the last time I went to the doctor about this, I ended up in the hospital for 2 days, and it cost me about $1000 out-of-pocket for them to tell me I needed to rest. I can walk into my bedroom and lie down for WAY cheaper than that.” He agreed…
by Mary on August 3, 2008
Six years ago I promised to love you forever. I didn’t know then that my love could grow stronger every day. Our lives are very different than when we met, a long, long, long time ago. We’ve shared so much laughter, lying in bed late at night. You’ve been my rock, and I’ve been the shoulder for you to cry on.
Six years ago, my dad was in the hospital, and we were so tired that we used the elevator rugs to keep up with the days. You went to sleep with your head on the table at dinner the night of our wedding. We had not even imagined the whole “living in This Old House” time in our life together.
Six years ago, we were different people. Oh, we thought we were at the place where love is at its greatest point, but we were wrong. Now is that time, and tomorrow will be more so, and tomorrow’s tomorrow even more.
Six years ago our lives officially were joined together. I look forward to sixty more.
I love you. Happy Anniversary
[A long, long, long time ago - aka senior prom.]
[Six years ago.]
I am sitting on a conference bridge now, trying to figure out what one of the presenters is saying. He speaks so incredibly fast that I don’t understand him a LOT. I know this is my problem, because he has a really strong accent, but he obviously speaks English a heck of a lot better than I speak, well, any other language besides English. I could swear he just said something about “managery Russians” and I don’t know where that could come into our topic.
Tim says I do this all the time, even to him. I will miss-hear something, and look at him and say, “Did you just say ‘managery Russians’? Because I don’t know what that means…”
Then he laughs at me.
This happens when he writes notes to me as well. Infamous story in our early marriage: Tim added something to the shopping list, and like most of his handwriting, it was a scribble. We had been spending a LOT of time working on our old house, and I just figured he wanted to use the “cheap clothes pins” to hold up something, or keep it in place while it dried, or whatever. So, I shrugged and bought a bag of cheap clothes pins.
I get home, and he asks me why I bought a bag of clothes pins.
“They were on the list! See, right here.”
Yeah, that would have been “cheap cloth napkins.”
I’ve never lived it down. Any time I either miss-hear him, or I can’t read what he writes, he says “cheap clothes pins.” If one of us is feeling particularly grumpy that we have to go to the store, the other will covertly add “cheap clothes pins” to the list.
We still have the bag of cheap clothes pins. We’ve used a couple.
I think they’ve saved our marriage. You have to be able to laugh, especially when you deal with county people, and paperwork that you swear you’ve filled out before, or strange family, or whatever. You have to know the code words to get yourself and your partner to laugh.
Cheap clothes pins. Get yourself a bag.
