And welcome finally to Part 3! This is the continuation of our series “What’s Your Autistic Toddler Like Now?”, a journey through what’s happening these days in the life of our autistic 3 1/2-year-old son and sequel to our very popular original article, “What’s Your Autistic Toddler Like?”. I meant to write this sooner, but illness has swept through the Flashlight household and rendered us all pretty useless this week.
If you haven’t already, go back and read Part 1 and Part 2.
I’m calling this group “Moderately Present” as these things are generally more common than not around here, but not as prevalent as the “Significantly Present” group from before. As with the previous posts, some of these are challenges for us and others are just things that are part of our day-to-day life. None of these are meant to be value judgments, just information about what one autistic toddler is like so you can perhaps see similarities in your own children or learn more about how these things are part of another family’s life.
I’ll be dividing this group into two parts. So we’ll finish this up in Part 4 soon.
Note: Wherever you see “DSM-IV” below, this means that attribute is part of the diagnostic criteria for autism spectrum disorders in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders – Fourth Edition or DSM-IV. In medical terms, a specific combination of those DSM-IV criteria is what brings about a diagnosis of autism.
Same obvious disclaimer as before:We are not advising you on how to evaluate your child. Go get them evaluated by professionals with extensive experience with autism. Don’t just rely on some random people on the Internet – namely, people like us.
And here we go!
Characteristics That Are Moderately Present
Fixation or attachment to a particular object or parts of objects (DSM-IV; hard one to nail down for us) – For some, this manifests itself as obsessive-looking hoarding and organizing of objects. You might also see this as what seems like excessive fascination about a particular object (looking at a particular train for a long time or staring at a ceiling fan) or part of an object (a spinning wheel on a car).
The J-Man is all over the map on this one. It has gotten more noticeable over time, but I wouldn’t call anything he does here a major issue. The object(s)-of-the-day rotate regularly through an array of toys. For the longest time it was wooden blocks. Then it went to pieces of his farm animals puzzle, and then on to flash cards, and then wooden numbers, and then stuffed animals (which was cause for much rejoicing actually!), and then plastic food, and then randomly back through the order, occasionally mixing in some other things.
This is Part 2 of our series “What’s Your Autistic Toddler Like Now?”, a journey through what’s happening these days in the life of our autistic 3 1/2-year-old son and sequel to our very popular original article, “What’s Your Autistic Toddler Like?”.
Note: Wherever you see “DSM-IV” below, this means that attribute is part of the diagnostic criteria for autism spectrum disorders in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders – Fourth Edition or DSM-IV. In medical terms, a specific combination of those DSM-IV criteria is what brings about a diagnosis of autism.
Same obvious disclaimer as before:We are not advising you on how to evaluate your child. Go get them evaluated by professionals with extensive experience with autism. Don’t just rely on some random people on the Internet – namely, people like us.
If you haven’t already, go back and read Part 1. If you have, let’s continue on!
Characteristics That Are Significantly Present (continued)
Difficulty with social awareness (a bit better but a lot to work on) – I don’t know whether this has an official meaning, but I think of social awareness in a very broad sense as being aware that there are people around you and that they can be engaged with at some interpersonal level. For some time, we referred to other kids in the room as ‘part of the furniture’ as our son didn’t interact with them much differently than any other object in the room.
School has helped him in this regard in that he has regular time every school day with the same children and is involved in activities with them on an ongoing basis. You still get the sense that he’d usually be content without them, but often the emotions of an autistic toddler are inscrutable.
He does enjoy watching other kids do funny things, but watching rather than playing with children is one of those possible signs of autism, and this is a fairly accurate description of where he is right now.
That said, it is nice to see that he’s aware that other people have names, and he can use a name to refer to a person, though usually now that’s only with some prompting.
Many times over, our “What’s Your Autistic Toddler Like?” post is the most read article on this site. It’s also the post people most often cite as the reason why they write us and become regular readers of our blog. We are gratified by your response to our story about our son and hope all this has been helpful to you and your family.
In celebration of the 1st Anniversary of our blog, I decided to write a multi-part series, revisit that popular post, and update it for what the J-Man is doing now almost 9 months later. The original “What’s Your Autistic Toddler Like?” gave you a snapshot of what an autistic toddler might be like – or at least what ours was like – about three months before his 3rd birthday.
This week marks our one-year anniversary of blogging. And what a long, strange trip it’s been already. Join us as we look back and look forward this week. First, here are a bunch of things we’ve learned along the way so far, though it’s hardly comprehensive!
There are a lot of good people in this world.
We’re not the only people in this world who are confused, fearful, crazy, determined, or in need of a lot of support.
No matter what issue you are facing, others have either been through it or currently are in the same situation.
There is always somebody who knows how to do something; you just have to ask enough people.
We are intelligent enough as parents to learn how to do a lot of stuff on our own. So are you.
Therapists are still worth their weight in gold, and they are severely underpaid.
Skilled, caring teachers are a divine gift.
Don’t give a rat’s butt about those who judge you. This isn’t about them.
Surround yourself with people who support and affirm you and your child. You have permission to use profanity with everyone else if you want to.
This is a marathon, not a sprint. Pace yourself.
The beginning is the hardest. I don’t know that it gets simpler, but the more experience you get under your belt, the more competent you’ll feel.
There are too many negative messages about autism in the media, and these messages make too many parents who just received a diagnosis feel like the world is ending. We need a new message. So much good lives in our children, and autism has so many unique gifts to bring to the world. Why can’t we talk about that for a change?
When you get a diagnosis, you feel like all your dreams died that day. In a way they did, and you have to go through the process of grieving that or you’ll go crazy. But you get the opportunity to go out and make plenty of new dreams that are greater than you imagined possible.
There are parents who have gone ahead of us to clear the trail, and we are grateful to them for showing us the way. As you move down your own trail, don’t forget to look back and help those still making their way.
Decide only what the next step is, and then go do it. If you sit down and try to think through the enormity of everything that you think has to be done, you’ll feel like you are drowning. One foot in front of the other is the only way you’ll get there.
If you want something, you gotta go fight for it. You don’t get a lot of things given to you freely, and the institutions of the world aren’t often supportive.
Too many parents are struggling with woefully bad local schools and services, inadequate help, crappy health care or no access to care, lack of availability of informative resources, little or no support, and crushing financial expenses. All of this has to be addressed. We need a better way, but we have to go make our own change.
There is way too much unhelpful crap about autism on the Internet. What is helpful is hard to find, and often harder to use. We need to build something better.
There are a lot of amazingly creative people out there coming up with inventive techniques for working with autistic children. I wish I had a few ounces of what they have.
There are no quick fixes. Sorry. Anyone who offers you a quick solution is selling snake oil, and is most likely just full of it. If it sounds too good or too easy to be true, it usually is.
Don’t accept everything everybody tells you. A lot of stuff out there is garbage. You have to learn how to think through and analyze what you read and hear, and then you have to determine whether it’s worthwhile or junk. There’s a lot of both out there, and it’s a pain to have to use up valuable energy figuring it out, but you gotta do it.
I try to keep a positive attitude, but some days just suck. It’s OK that this happens.
I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for us, because I don’t.
You can’t do everything; all you can do is the best you can.
If you feel like you constantly have to be doing something therapy-related with your child, step back for a while and just enjoy them. Never forget this is about building a relationship with your child and enjoying them for who they are.
I don’t want autism to be an excuse for setting the bar too low for our son. I don’t want to make excuses for him. Plus, every time we’ve wondered whether we’ve set the bar too high, he flies over it.
Never underestimate what your child might someday do. They are full of surprises.
Wake up every morning expecting something to happen that will blow your mind. It often works out that way.
As awful as we felt in the beginning, we’re here, we’re thriving pretty well, and we’re making good progress.
Your child possesses amazing gifts just waiting to be discovered.
They know more than you think they do.
This has been the greatest challenge of our lives, but we are meeting it with an even greater determination. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
The J-Man shines ever brighter and more wonderfully every day. It’s hard to imagine him being any more wonderful. He has made us better people, and we are thankful for him.
And most importantly for me, the J-Man has shown me my purpose in life. He has taken everything I’ve ever done, learned, been a part of, struggled with, and sought out and showed me what it looks like when it’s brought together and made whole. He has taken the best parts of me and helped me express them, and he has taught me how to take all the old worries, hurts, and burdens, lay them down, and keep walking onward to see what’s next in this adventure. It’s because of who he is that he could teach me all that.
Feel free to share in the comments what you’ve learned from your journey. Thanks for reading!
It’s a whole new day at Both Hands and a Flashlight!
Mary and I are overjoyed to announce that I am not pregnant! Phew. However, Mary is!!!!!!!!!
Yep, that was a bun in the oven. Mary has a hysterical story to tell about that, at my expense of course. But I’m a good sport about it.
It’s amazing how much a single word on a high-tech, digital, ‘dummy-proof’, peed-on stick can change everything, even when you’re hoping for it. However, for me, finding out the positive test involved a hot dog bun. There is a LOT we haven’t blogged about over the past month as we waited for the right time to spring the good tidings on the world. We have much ground to cover there, and we’ll get to all the news recap soon.
Officially, Mary is 10 weeks along and is due in early May. After J-Man was The World’s Easiest Pregnancy (TM), according to Mary, she has lots of new, choice, family-unfriendly words to say about this time around. More from her on that to come, too.
I figured why not celebrate such a life-changing announcement by completely redoing the look and layout of the blog. I picked something sorta autumnal for the color scheme, so this blog may have mood colors for a while until we settle on something we like.
I also wanted to do something to keep the quality of the site ever-improving for the growing numbers of visitors, both those of you who have been so nice, insightful, and supportive of us as well as those who just lurk (which is fine!). At the top of the page, you’ll see a tab that takes you to a collection of links and resources related to all the things we talk about here in the Flashlight Universe. Go check out those links! We have much more to add, but it’s a start.
We also have lots more new stuff planned, so stay tuned. As the wise man said, “Business is about to pick up.” More soon!
Just for fun, we’ll leave you with what I think may be the best commercial ever.
For our big trip recently, we went to my grandmother’s 90th birthday party. To say she is our family matriarch is a profound understatement. Four generations of our family piled into her house to both celebrate her and how triumphantly she has lived through everything she has overcome.
She looks about as much like 90 as our cats look like giraffes. I fully expect her to live to be 125. It was only a couple of years ago that we finally talked her out of cleaning her own gutters. She was talking at the party about needing to get out and powerwash her siding.
She lost her first husband to health complications from him being a coal miner when she was only 25. She became a widowed single mom to two kids – my dad who was six at the time and my uncle who was only a few months old. She became a waitress and sometimes walked to work with a pistol in her pocket. The Kentucky coalfields were rough places. She literally walked uphill both ways to work and home again.
[The original post is here. If you haven't read it, go read it first. You definitely won't want to miss The Rest of the Story.]
This was so utterly bizarre that it deserves its own post.
So after the Great Sleeper Escape the other day, we just pitched the sleeper into the laundry not knowing – [...]
Some days start horribly and show no sign of improving. The day easily could prove to be a total write-off. Being one beat off the normal daily rhythm can send your kid into meltdown. Some days, your only real goal is to make sure everyone is alive when the day ends and that any damage [...]
...so I teased Z about her Google status. She changed it to the first 20 digits of Pi. /via @shannonrosa <- Fractally awesome. I love pi.about 1 day agofrom Tweetie
Regardless of how ridiculous it actually is, I still seem to think it's possible to rationalize with the kids.about 3 days agofrom Tweetie
Dreading Daylight Savings Times. Guy who invented didn't have child with #autism /via @mamabegood <-Spring fwd seems easier. Fall back=fail.about 3 days agofrom Tweetie
