by Mary on August 23, 2010
Last week we had a parents’ night at school, and discussed communication. The topic was so popular that they were a little overwhelmed in the childcare area, so I ended up leaving about halfway through and helping out. (I carried around the 2 youngest kids and sang to them. My arms still hurt 3 days later.)
We talked about picture boards, and choice boards, and expecting MORE from our kids in terms of communication… but maybe sometimes LESS in terms of spoken words. One of the things the teachers kept stressing was that parents need to remember to stop themselves from overwhelming the kids… with words. They really pushed using pictures to illustrate what the kid needed to say, instead of constantly repeating ourselves. For example, we should say “would you like some apple?” – and then if there is no response, pick up the picture card, and point to the applesauce – and be quiet. Just point.
This one is a hard one for Tim and me. I have to keep reminding myself to shut up, and give the J-man time to process and respond. And keep reminding myself. And keep reminding myself.
The teachers also suggested making the J-man interact with us more – by only giving him a little of what he wants, or only part of what he needs. For example, I know that every morning, the J-man comes downstairs and has applesauce, nuggets, and tea for breakfast. For the longest time, we just went ahead and had everything ready to save time. Now though, he has to ask for each of those things. We also have started giving him half a container of Veggie Straws, when he normally gets an entire container of them for a snack. If he wants more, he has to ask for them! (While I was typing, he asked for crackers… I gave him 3, when I’ve seen the boy eat an entire sleeve! So I’m waiting to get interrupted again.) They suggested when he asks to color, to give him the paper, but then wait for him to ask for the crayons, or even make him ask for specific colors.
One last thing we talked about recently was trying to move the J-man toward forming some letters correctly with his mouth – instead of B and P, he makes this “glottal stop” sound with his lips open. We are waiting (and waiting and waiting) for him to close his lips while making that sound, and only THEN does he get to watch Pinky Dinky Doo, or “do pillows” where we squash him on the floor with pillows for deep pressure. The past couple of times, I’ve just needed to tap my lips and say “lips” and he closes his. The sound is still the same at this point, but the lip position is at least beginning to change.
It’s so slow sometimes that I want to scream. And then, like the “P” lips closed position thing, it’s quick.
One more thing that has nothing to do with communication, but is just too awesome to not mention: I steamed some carrots for Dale Jr, but then couldn’t get him to eat them in pieces, so I ended up pureeing them. I added them to applesauce, and he ate them just fine. Hmmm… how would the J-man react? I am proud to say that he now eats applesauce with pureed carrots (OR pureed butternut squash) AND a dollop of plain yogurt mixed in. I think he may even like it better than the plain applesauce. That makes… NINE FOODS!
I realized the other night that the second anniversary of what we’ve called Diagnosis Day is upon us. On that gray, March day two years ago, the doctor said the words “diagnosis of autism”, and we jumped down the rabbit hole into this grand adventure. It’s hard to comprehend how far we’ve come in those two years.
But really it started long before that. The J-Man began feeding therapy at 9 months old. We had an evaluation just before that through our county’s child developmental services agency because he was showing significant sensory aversions not only to food but to all sorts of other things. He seemed ill at ease with many things around him. Something just didn’t feel right to us.
The evaluators referred us to a feeding therapist, and off we went on a road of diverse therapies that’s run the gamut of acronyms and has continued ever since. A little over a year-and-a-half after we started that first feeding therapy, we took the on-ramp onto the autism highway, and here we are.
Dale Jr. is now about 10 1/2 months old. It has been like learning how to parent all over again. He eats everything in the house; there’s almost nothing we give him that he won’t eat. We still catch ourselves being completely amazed by how well he eats. He even self-feeds finger foods. He mimics us, uses a few words and signs a little bit, intentionally asks for some things, and shares his interests with us. He’s proving to be quite a daredevil, he explores everything, and he wants to be the life of the party wherever he goes.
We’ve noted many times how very different they are. It’s a wonderful thing to have two such complex, wonderful, and unique little people in our house!
And he’s about the age we started the J-Man in therapy. This fact isn’t lost on us. We are so programmed at this point to look at every part of our day in terms of the therapeutic that we sort of don’t know what to do when things are just moving along fine with one or both of the boys.
I realized that we’ve been at this a while when I praised the baby for his skillful bilateral coordination and object transference and developing his pincer grasp so rapidly (which is wonderfully useful as he eats Cherrios on his own while we do kitchen chores). I have no idea most times whether he developed any of these or other skills ‘on time’ or not, though from a few years of therapies I know the technical names of many of them.
The term ‘developmentally appropriate’ is usually lost on us. I’m not sure we’d know it if it bit us. Perhaps we’re becoming more at home with the mystery of it all. Our two boys have changed us in very different ways, and we know we have more mysteries still ahead of us than we do behind us.
As they say, “‘Normal’ is just a dryer setting.” We get the privilege of experiencing a completely new parenting adventure, and we have two wise little teachers who will help us learn and value all the diverse and beautiful gifts that make us human. The J-Man does things that boggle our mind. He’s only beginning to manifest many of his incredible gifts, but he has already changed the lives of so many for the good, especially ours. And Dale Jr. is quickly following him down that path.
We have two boys who share perhaps the most important gifts of all. They are loving and kind, they brighten every room they enter, and everyone who meets them loves them immediately. Regardless of where the adventure takes us next, we start from this foundation, from which anything is possible.
by Mary on January 13, 2010
When we first heard about Signing Time [affiliate link], it was because I had read about teaching a baby to sign – that it reduced frustration for them to be able to communicate before they could speak. I ended up thinking that all of those children had to be BRILLIANT to be able to learn to sign, because even though the J-man loved watching Signing Time, he couldn’t (or wouldn’t) sign. He didn’t have the fine motor skills to pull off doing any sign that had finger movement or shaping.
The only sign the J-man ever used was “more” and I’m still not sure that he understood what he was asking for. The only time he ever used it was when we were playing a game where we carried him around and stopped suddenly, and he had to ask for “more” before we would move again. So he understood that we would start running again, but I think he just thought the sign meant something like “go.” Once the J-man was able to actually say the “g” sound (for GO!) he stopped with signing “more.”
In the span of something like 5 minutes, I just taught Dale Jr to sign “more.” He was sitting in his high chair eating (also something new this time around), and I asked if he wanted “more” or “all done” – signing each thing. (Our “all done” is like an umpire making the SAFE signal at home plate, because the other way to do “all done” looks too much like stimming for the J-man to ever differentiate.) Dale Jr would open his mouth like a baby bird in a nest, and I would pop in another Gerber Puff, each time signing “more!” before.
Suddenly, when I asked if he wanted “more” or “all done” he clapped his fists together. “MORE” I shouted, and gave him another puff. “More or all done?” Again, he clapped his fists together. “MORE!”
Then, before I could ask the question, Dale Jr looked at me pointedly, and clapped his fists together. “MORE!”
I called Tim downstairs to make sure I wasn’t reading more (heh) into the situation than it warranted, and Dale Jr showed Daddy that he could sign “more” with a bit of resignation – all, “I just want the dang Puff, people, so could you give it to me?”
And, we celebrated.
by Mary on August 19, 2009
[In case you're wondering about the whole 'Dale Jr.' thing, for you non-Southerners, the son of Dale Earnhardt - a stock car racer of Biblical proportions - is often referred to as Dale Jr., but originally his nickname was Little E. So it looks like our Little E is now Dale Jr.! If that made no sense, just go with it.]
It may have been the best of times. It may have been the worst of times. I really can’t tell you. I remember very little of the J-man’s first year. It was really a blur. I was SO TIRED all the time then that now, when Dale Jr does something, I ask Tim if the J-man did that too… because I truly can’t remember. So, for your reading pleasure, a comparison of the two so far:
Sleep:
J-man: what’s that? Why would you think I needed to sleep? I have to be up to eat every 2 hours anyway, so why would you force me to try to nap (for 25 minutes initially, although we did get that number up to FORTY WHOLE MINUTES)? I sometimes will only sleep while in a carseat with the car moving, so Daddy perfected “driving naps on 540.” Also, putting me down “drowsy but awake?” HA HA HA HA HA. Seriously, just nurse me to sleep, then hold me for at least another 30-40 minutes to make sure I’m really asleep, then carefully, carefully, carefully put me down, leaning your whole upper body into the crib so we are touching until the very end. Plan to be back soon! If I make a noise, or shift slightly, go ahead and get up, because I will be. I was still waking every 2 hours at 7 months, and didn’t sleep through the night until I was 18 months old.
Dale Jr: obviously read those “sleep books.” I love this. I love my crib. Is my thumb there? Then we’re good. I started sleeping 10-12 hours straight per night at 2 months old. I am the poster child for “put me down drowsy but awake” which Mama figured out only because she really had to go to the bathroom, so put me down in my crib for just long enough to do that… and I was out when she came back. I enjoy napping, and have been able to self-soothe from the beginning pretty much. Mama and Daddy spent several nights waking up to make sure I was still alive because they couldn’t believe a baby could sleep that long.
Eating:
J-man: I will nurse and nurse and nurse and nurse and nurse. And hate the bottle. And nurse and nurse and nurse and nurse and never let go even while sleeping. PS: and nurse.
Dale Jr: I nurse when I’m hungry, and then I’m done. I don’t especially like to go to sleep nursing. I have taken a bottle a few times, and seem to be OK with it. I DO nurse about every hour during the day (when I’m not sleeping) but since I don’t nurse at all during the night, Mama is perfectly happy with that.
Size:
J-man: I am HUGE and outgrew some clothes before I ever got to wear them.
Dale Jr: I am HUGER and outgrew a LOT of clothes before I ever got to wear them. Also, I’m out of sync with brother’s clothes sizes, so the hand-me-downs aren’t helping at all. Also, I’m growing out of the 9 month summer clothes that Mama bought when I was 2 months old because I outgrew the 6 month clothes she bought when I was 1 month old.
How Mama’s work is going:
J-man: I occasionally made Daddy drive me to Mama’s office because I would go on bottle strikes and refuse to eat. I ate enough during the day to not starve to death, and then nursed until I could not nurse more at night which made Mama tired. People in Mama’s office got very angry when she went to pump every 3 hours. Mama is surprised she didn’t wreck driving to work everyday in a daze state from lack of sleep.
Dale Jr: Mama’s work people have heard me on conference calls because sometimes I need to eat, and are perfectly fine with that. They also realize Mama gets way more work done now that she’s home.
How Daddy’s work is going:
J-man: Daddy doesn’t get to work during the day. Ever.
Dale Jr: Daddy can work while I nap. Sometimes.
Maybe now is the best of times. It’s not the worst of times. It is a good time.
In our last IEP goals recap from last quarter, the J-Man had a great nine weeks overall and showed great gains. This past quarter just ended last Thursday, and our little superstar continues to make great strides toward what we thought were some pretty ambitious goals for this year.
As a refresher for those curious about how we do things around here, the quarterly evaluations are done based on how well the kids are progressing toward meeting their IEP goals for the entire year, and then they’re assigned an evaluation code based on the following scale:
1 – Insufficient progress to meet IEP goal by end of year; below expected mastery of goal at this point in the year
2- Skills are emerging; mastery of goal is still inconsistent; student needs support to meet goals
3 – Consistent progress toward goals; on track to meet annual goal
3* – Consistent progress toward goals + some evidence of application and independence (Not sure why they need another 3 score here, but whatever. “Application and independence” are definitely two words we like.)
4 – Annual goal has been mastered; able to generalize the skill independently in multiple settings.
As I mentioned last time, don’t ask me why they felt the need to add a 3* in between 3 and 4 rather than just fix the scale to begin with. But anyway…
We rounded the halfway mark of this year early in March, so in light of that, his progress toward goals he has a few more months to meet is awesome.
Here are those categories and all the great stuff he’s been up to lately.
[click to continue…]
by Tim on February 22, 2009
This is Part 2 of our series “What’s Your Autistic Toddler Like Now?”, a journey through what’s happening these days in the life of our autistic 3 1/2-year-old son and sequel to our very popular original article, “What’s Your Autistic Toddler Like?”.
Note: Wherever you see “DSM-IV” below, this means that attribute is part of the diagnostic criteria for autism spectrum disorders in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders – Fourth Edition or DSM-IV. In medical terms, a specific combination of those DSM-IV criteria is what brings about a diagnosis of autism.
Same obvious disclaimer as before: We are not advising you on how to evaluate your child. Go get them evaluated by professionals with extensive experience with autism. Don’t just rely on some random people on the Internet – namely, people like us.
If you haven’t already, go back and read Part 1. If you have, let’s continue on!
Characteristics That Are Significantly Present (continued)
Difficulty with social awareness (a bit better but a lot to work on) – I don’t know whether this has an official meaning, but I think of social awareness in a very broad sense as being aware that there are people around you and that they can be engaged with at some interpersonal level. For some time, we referred to other kids in the room as ‘part of the furniture’ as our son didn’t interact with them much differently than any other object in the room.
School has helped him in this regard in that he has regular time every school day with the same children and is involved in activities with them on an ongoing basis. You still get the sense that he’d usually be content without them, but often the emotions of an autistic toddler are inscrutable.
He does enjoy watching other kids do funny things, but watching rather than playing with children is one of those possible signs of autism, and this is a fairly accurate description of where he is right now.
That said, it is nice to see that he’s aware that other people have names, and he can use a name to refer to a person, though usually now that’s only with some prompting.
Continue on with Part 3! [click to continue…]
