Reflections on My Insomnia

December 12, 2014

As I write this, it is 3:30 AM. There’s no obvious reason for me to be awake. Everyone else is asleep and quiet. The only noises are some white noise and the cat purring, and now the soft clicking of this keyboard. As pain goes, I’m actually a bit better than average. A recent medical […]

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I Wish I Knew What He Wanted

December 10, 2014

We admit it. We get depressed during the holiday season about one thing in particular. We have no idea what our J-Man wants, and there’s really no way to find out. He’s still ‘minimally verbal’ at age 9, with approximately the functional verbal speech of a two-year-old. His communication via speech device is only a […]

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So Many Questions I Want to Ask

November 12, 2014

Every time I look at my son, a torrent of questions fill my heart. He can answer questions like what his name is and what his address is, but those are not the questions in my heart. He can answer ‘no’ or ‘yes’ (usually ‘no’ even if he might mean ‘yes’) to some questions about […]

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Searching for Meaning in What Cannot Be Fixed

October 28, 2014

When I was 23, I did volunteer work talking to people who were near the end of their lives. I was scared of other people’s pain, or at least what I perceived as being pain. I took a situation that I figured had to be painful and assumed the person felt the same. I wanted […]

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Pulling the IV Pole

October 16, 2014

During Dale Jr’s most recent chemo treatment, he ended up back in the hospital. He got so dehydrated from vomiting after the second of the four days of infusions that he had to be admitted. So almost six months to the day after we left that inpatient pediatric oncology unit hoping to never have to […]

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