This past weekend, we hit a pretty big low around here. We’d been having all sorts of problems – on top of the myriad other sensory problems – with the J-Man pulling off his sleeper (not unzipping it, but just plain shimmying out of it) and diaper every night within five minutes of going to bed, peeing in his bed, and then just lying there. We’d go in, reclothe him, change his sheets, fuss at him, and put him back to bed.
For a while, this was enough. One cycle of him stripping down and us coming in apparently was enough for him to then settle in for the night – clothed – and sleep. There was the other issue that he’d strip the second he woke up in the morning and do the same thing. If we weren’t in there fast enough, it was time to change sheets again and clean him up as part of everything else we do to get him ready in the morning.
Then about a week ago, things really went downhill. He wouldn’t keep anything on while he was in the bed. We tried fleece sleepers with feet, without feet, two-piece pajamas, etc. and nothing stayed on. We’d check on him a few minutes after changing him and the bed, and there he was naked as the day he was born with his clothes and diaper wadded up in the crib with him. Finally, we ran out of clean sheets. We started laundry, but quickly he fell asleep. So, we let him sleep au naturel.
Next morning, he was wet, of course, but we marched him to the shower, cleaned him up, and went on with the day. Next night, same ordeal, so we just gave up and let him sleep that way again. After the last ‘argument’ with him about it, once we let him be, he fell asleep quickly. Same morning, similar trip to the shower and on with the day.
We weren’t happy with this since obviously he doesn’t have enough control yet to not wet his bed, but short of restraints, we had no idea how to keep his clothes on him. He’s widely known for his Houdini skills and feats of flexibility, trust me. We decided to pick the less bad option and let him sleep that way.
This is where the concept of ‘less bad’ takes a hideous turn.
This past Sunday morning… well, let’s just say that the scene involved toxic foulness that I cannot overcome the trauma long enough to describe along with probable cause to call a hazmat team. This may have been one of the lowest points of our parenting. I know other people’s kids do something like this, but this was one of those lines we previously hadn’t crossed. And this coupled with everything else that’s been going on was just too much. In short, Sunday was a really rough day.
That night, we tried brainstorming ideas for what to do next. We couldn’t go through all that again. There had to be some sort of solution. But we weren’t just trying to outsmart a four-year-old; we were also trying to outsmart a sensory system routinely gone completely awry.
Then came the parental equivalent of a Hail Mary pass – what about putting a long-sleeve shirt over his sleeper? He doesn’t unzip the thing. He just shimmies out through the neck hole. A long sleeve shirt would make the neck hole much tighter and he’d have to figure out a way to take the shirt off by himself to overcome that, something he’s not really able to do. (Never thought I’d be glad he hasn’t learned the coordination needed to take his shirt off!)
We’d check the video monitor every few minutes – he was making a variety of noises, but doing it still clothed. Every time we checked – still clothed. Then finally, silence. Mary went in and checked the monitor. She came back down the hall and said, “Asleep… and still clothed.” She raised her arms in victory and did the Shuffle Steps of Triumph. (a video someday, perhaps)
Holy crap, we’d done it.
Next morning he woke up (quite a bit later than he had been recently too), we ran in there, and… still clothed. We couldn’t believe it.
Figuring that we’d already changed a lot, we kept going with the radically-altered routine. No more bath at night (given what was happening, why bother?) and now a shower in the morning. He’s loving the shower now, by the way. That night, we tried the shirt-over-sleeper idea again.
It worked again.
Next morning? Still clothed.
Next night? It worked again.
Next morning? Still clothed.
Here we are on Night Four and he’s asleep, clothed.
Touchdown.
Are we smarter than a four-year-old? Highly unlikely. We’ll get humbled again soon enough. But at least for now, we’ll hold our arms up in victory and do the dance. But no cameras allowed.
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
We tried that and it worked for a while…until Nik outsmarted us. Now? Duct tape. Yep. We start in the back between his shoulder blades and go under his arms (put a few fingers into the sleeper so you don’t make it too tight) and around the back. Overlap the tape and make a little tab to pull it off in the a.m. If you get sticky residue, goog gone sprayed on before washing gets it out. We’ve beendoing this for at least a year now with pretty good success. Of course, we also have to duct tape his pull-ups but that’s another story. lol
Things to look forward to in the future. Logan hasn’t quite figured out how to unzip or get out of footie pj’s yet. He does like to take off all of his bottoms (jeans, pj’s, ect) and diaper when given the chance. I often duct tape his diapers shut. He just loves to be naked. I have experienced the toxic finger painting nightmare more than once. He wears overalls a lot because he doesn’t know how to get them off yet. He turns 4 in March so I am sure it will only get worse. He likes to keep me on my toes.
To say I feel (and smell) your pain is to understate things … my husband and I have SO been there with our 3 1/2 year old Billy. We ultimately settled on footie PJs with a big diaper pin fastened just under the zipper mechanism, gathering enough of the neckline together so that shimmying out quickly (before we hear him on the monitor) isn’t easily done. Not foolproof — a couple of the time he has gotten the diaper pin open (and thankfully, not hurt himself on it) but 98% of the time, we’ve had no foulness.
Love your blog by the way … we’ve found a lot of inspiration here over the last few months.
Our usual belated thanks for your comments!
A couple of people have asked how this is going, and so far putting the long sleeve pullover shirt on him over top his footed sleeper has worked every night. That’s close to two months now! No more stripping down and bodily function fallout! Of course I say that and will probably jinx the whole thing.
The key so far has been to use older shirts of his that are a little too small. He generally should be wearing a boys XS (4-5) shirt, give or take. We’ve been putting the 4T on him at night with a neck that still fits him, but not by much. Either it has proven impossible for him to get out of, or he’s just given up, or both. He’s still taking forever to go to sleep at night, but at least it’s clothed and without pee or worse everywhere.
@Niksmom – The duct tape was sort of our nuclear option of last resort. Actually, it was the next thing on our list after this long sleeve shirt revelation. So that should tell you where we were at on the desperation scale when this idea struck us.
The J-Man won’t keep socks and shoes on unless we’re outside or out in public. At home, it’s bare feet regardless of how cold. You would think frigid temps would keep the clothes on him, but he seems immune to cold. Remember, this is the kid who will sit on air conditioning vents for hours and feel to us like he just stepped out of the freezer unless you stop him.
I really think it’s the shirt that got us most of the way over this hump, but not long after this change worked, we also started a whole new, intensive sensory diet at home and at school, which I imagine has contributed a lot to its long-term success. Hope it lasts! The next big question is will we be over this by summer when it’s really too hot for layers at night…
Good luck to us all!
I had to tell you that we have abandoned the pin in favor of your genius idea of small shirt over the pajamas — and two night in a row with no undressing!! That is amazing for us, because even when we used the safety pin, Houdini Broadfoot managed somehow to shimmy out or unfasten the pin (which scared us that he’d get hurt). Just wanted you to know that you are making a real difference in people’s lives by sharing your story, and I’ve taken so much from your journey that I started blogging as well.
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