Thanks everyone! The break did do us some good. I tend to get in my head that feeling like I need a break indicates some sort of negative feelings toward others, though I know in what passes for my rational self that those feelings are about my own personal stuff and me being completely exhausted. I don’t think I really understood how wiped out I was and what a pain in the butt I was being as a result.

Kristin – I think you nailed it with describing it as exhausting feeling like you need to be (or don’t have any choice but to be) ‘on’ all the time. It’s an unsustainable state to live in, and the harder I push, the more poorly I do everything anyway. But that ‘on’ state is how I feel like I have to be all the time. I really need to work on that.

We did stay very busy while he was gone catching up on a zillion things that had been neglected during the past month. It’s not like we caught up – that’s impossible! – but it was good to make some headway and clear at least some things out of my list of stuff to worry about not ever getting done.

Perhaps I did psych myself into this mental state by dreading this 5-week school break so much. I knew I couldn’t provide the J-Man with the structure and support he normally gets (and needs), but never let myself be OK with doing the best I could do. That’s something I’m often not very good at.

Thanks for your support during this rough patch. Things do feel some better this week, and I appreciate everyone’s kind thoughts in helping that happen.

I was thrilled to hear that little E slept ten hours straight!!! That has never happened for my little guy. 6 hours is his all time record (happened just the other night), and 3-4 hours is the average (he’s a year old). So knowing that you are getting a little sleep makes me feel so good for you.

I hope you enjoy the respite over your 4 day ‘vacation’ form autism parenting, and can just trust that the J-man is being loved and nourished and learning many new things. The separation may bother him less than it bothers you .

We are nearing the end of a beautiful July, an experience that I thought might never come for us considering the first 6-9 months of my little guy’s life. It was so hard to keep perspective, so I totally empathize. Things are still often challenging, but in a very different way now. Even if it doesn’t ‘pass’, at least it changes. Maybe from ice, to light fluttering snow. Still cold, but full of beauty.

Take care of yourselves and your little darlings!

It’s exhausting constantly being “on”, being at hyper alert model.

Having said that, I hope the break is good for all 4 of you. I have my fingers crossed for you. And sometimes it’s okay to stop and say, “This Sucks”. It doesn’t mean you are a bad or pessimistic person, it’s sort of like acknowledging an ice storm. Only an idiot would keep going about life as if it was sunny & warm when it’s really sleeting, slick, and nasty outside. If it’s okay to say, “Oh sh*t, we’re in an icestorm” then it’s okay to recognize the current situation for what it is.