Things have been ten kinds of rough around here recently. Surviving the day has been our goal of late. I admit that I don’t much like the person I’ve let myself become lately. I’m grouchy, snippy, frayed at the edges, and generally unable to cope with much. Anybody screaming sends me over the edge, which both kids do well these days. But I’m a firm believer that nobody makes you feel anything; that’s your crap and you have to deal with it. Unfortunately, I’m not dealing with it well – or even minimally well – and I know it.
So, I’ve been grasping at anything that will make any part of our frazzled ‘routine’ easier. The J-Man has been a basket case at night, sometimes fussing not just with variations in the routine, but about parts of our nighttime ritual that are exactly the way they normally are, like I’m skipping a step except I don’t know what he thinks I’m skipping. Sometimes it’s like he’s trying to tell me verbally, but I have no idea what he’s saying, which just escalates both of our frustrations.
Getting his nighttime clothes on was turning into some variant of mixed martial arts, usually with me on the receiving end of the injuries… One night after he completely melted down half-dressed in the floor, I was past feeling desperate. The next night, without any pre-planning or understanding of where this idea even came from – other than perhaps the fact that the J-Man loves music – I just started narrating the process of getting him dressed to song. I tend to narrate half the day anyway, so why not.
And for whatever reason, the tune that came out was “The Hokey Pokey”.
Go figure. It worked.
It sounds completely ridiculous, and the ‘stanzas’ – such as they are – vary between some and a lot every time we go through the routine. But hey, it works – botched meter and rhyme or not.
“We put your left arm in,
we put your left arm in the sleeve,
we get your left arm in,
and your left hand stickin’ out,
your left arm is in, and your left hand’s stickin’ out,
that’s what it’s all about!”
Repeat as often as necessary with whatever words are necessary until kid is clothed. Sigh with relief, and give thanks that all your bodily digits are still attached.
This works for diaper changes too, by the way, though we can often get through those without much in the way of theatrics. But it works in a pinch.
Give thanks for little bits of inspiration.
Posts that hopefully are similar:
- Are You Smarter Than a Four-Year-Old?
- Where Am I?
- Trying to Get Perspective
- If ignorance is wisdom, we’re all gods here
- Holiday School Party – Things Worth a Thousand Words Edition
- Starting to Sink In
- Lessons from the Road – One Year Later
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
Alas, the Hokey Pokey really IS what it’s all about!
Hallie, who has been tentatively, for now, but we will revisit the question no doubt often, cleared of being on the spectrum, is the same way (mostly but not exclusively) around eating. For her, the tune that works most often is Old McDonald. Unless she’s on total strike, which she is now. I am hoping it’s being three, jealousy of sister, loss of most bottles (am capitulating today and today is going marginally better) and eve of preschool. But you do what you gotta do. And you guys do a great job.
Abby – We’ve had some behavioral issues to deal with around here since the arrival of the baby too. Of course, all siblings go through this, though perhaps we experience them in a somewhat more amplified way and often can’t follow the same adjustment techniques that other parents might use.
It’s quite possible that could be at least some of what Hallie is dealing with. I try to keep reminding myself that as much as I am having to adjust to two kids in the house, the J-Man is probably having it several times harder. It’s not like we can interview, counsel, etc. him to completely understand what he’s experiencing, though, but man I wish we could!
We were big Old McDonald people around here for a while, particularly because we got some speech out of him using the song. The Hokey Pokey tune is a more recent thing. For a long time it’s been this lullaby tune whose origin I have no clue about. Hey, it works. I’ve learned not to fight anything that helps. (Assuming it’s both legal and non-destructive, of course!)
I think some days during these chaotic periods of adjustment that it’s often worth yielding a bit on some of the things we’re trying to get our kids to transition away from. I was taking more of a hard line on some issues here and doing that battle of wills thing with him, but having a new baby in the house has made me have to learn how to soften my approach to certain things – for everyone’s sake and my own personal sanity! I think overall it’s shown me that this is a better way for me to do things in the future too.
I guess if we do the best we can and do whatever we gotta do to do that, what more can we ask of ourselves?
Belated congrats on Lea! You all have some seriously adorable kids!
Thanks!