For reasons none of us really understand, J-Man has been totally freaking out about stairs of late. He used to go up and down with little help and no worries. He’d hold on to the rail with both hands or with one hand on the rail and the other on us, but he’d do it without any real issues. We have fairly steep steps to the upstairs of our house, and he climbed them without much problem beyond being a little wobbly about it.
Then out of the blue about a week ago, he started melting down whenever we wanted him to go up or down stairs. The two steps to our garage remained doable even if not a calm experience, but anything from the four or five stairs at preschool to the dozen steps to our upstairs might as well have been Everest or jumping out of an airplane. We still can’t figure out why.
At first we wondered if it was just a cranky, almost three-year-old, stubbornness thing, but his behavior is more of terror than just being a toddler. We constantly have to read the behavioral tea leaves because he’s not really verbal. I think we’re right in saying that something is way off inside him.
We talked at length to his occupational therapist about whether something sensorially was short circuiting in him. He has been very sensory-seeking lately, which is usually a sign something is up. He’s been burrowing under pillows, us, or anything else that he can wedge himself in. He’s been rubbing his head on the carpet and doing his downward-facing dog yoga thing he came up with on his own. (He’s insanely flexible.) He’s also way more into his brushing (best picture I could find) than he’s ever been.
We think he also could be having sinus problems that are throwing off his sense of balance (vestibular), which has always been a struggle for him. I don’t know.
This has been a really depressing setback for us. It’s the age-old struggle of when do you ‘give in’ and when do you stick it out regardless of how long it takes. There will be setbacks, but there’s also a sense that ‘lost’ skills take forever to reclaim. With an autistic toddler, ‘giving in’ is a very complex concept. In the midst of a massive meltdown, persistence isn’t necessarily a virtue. Taking a hard line and getting results assumes a level of understanding in your child that isn’t always there in the middle of one of these meltdowns, or in some cases isn’t there in general.
Last night we tried the ‘you’re going to do go down these steps regardless, but we’ll try to make it less stressful’ method. We had once before managed to entice him to take a few steps by using a couple of his favorite wooden blocks as a carrot. That didn’t work last night, but I read him his favorite book while he was on the steps and he slowly worked his way toward me. It took like 10 minutes to cover 12 steps, but it’s better than it has been. I’m not above trying to use carrots and distractions if it means he still accomplishes the goal. A win is a win.
We don’t always know why they do what they do, so you just keep trying the best you can. It’s like playing 20 Questions (or 100 Questions) many days, but you just keep at it. I tried shouting “I think I can!” at him on the steps. I guess that’s worth saying to myself as well.
Posts that hopefully are similar:
- Building Blocks, Sequences, Memory, and Thoughts on Thinking
- What’s Your Autistic Toddler Like Now? (Part 3)
- Happy Birthday, J-Man!
- Sensory Processing Disorder and the DSM-V – Call to Action
- Sensory Processing Disorder and the DSM-V – Call to Action (Urgent Update!)
- When the Only Thing Routine is the Lack of Routine
- Stimming in a Winter Wonderland
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
Sometimes sensory issues seem to come and go. E has gone through phases when he refused to take a bath in the tub, to the point that we had to bathe him in a wading pool in the living room, and other phases (like now) when he wants to be in the tub all the time. We’ve never found a way to force the issue without trauma on all sides, so we generally try to ride things out the best we can. Hang in there!
I was totally going to write this post and call it Upstairs/Downstairs. It’s been a really fun experience with this stairs issue…
Wow. I find your post very interesting! I have a son who has SPD. He too goes through phases where something that he was perfectly fine doing on his own, suddenly he’s terrified of doing it along. For example, we went through a time where he wouldn’t go to the bathroom on his own and would cry hysterically if we refused to accompany him. This is a boy who has been potty trained since he was 2.5 and who has been visiting the washroom on his own for at least 1.5 years….
Also, we too find it really difficult to know which issues to fight and which ones to just accept. It’s so hard.
I’m glad I found your blog. I look forward to reading more!
Kia
Hi Kia!
My first thought was, what a great achievement in getting an SPD child potty trained at 2 1/2! Maybe that’s more common than I think, but we are so not there at this point. We haven’t even really started. There are just so many other things to work on. We have to pick and choose those battles, like you said.
Interestingly enough, one time today J-Man did the stairs just fine, just like the old days. This was really surprising since he’s been wild as a mountain goat today. Of course then the rest of the day this went back to being a real effort.
We had some success with another approach today. He likes to ‘crash’ blocks (build him a stack of 3+ blocks and he knocks them down), so we put a three-block tower on every third step. He would go up, knock one down, and then we could eventually get him to keep going, knock the next one down, and so on until he was at the top. Not ideal, but hey, whatever works.
You’re right. Knowing where to push and where to yield is so difficult.
Glad you’re here!