We’re working on a ‘manifesto’ so visitors and participants on the site will know the kind of community we’re trying to build here. Consider this a first draft. We’ll add more I’m sure!

Here are some rules:

• Thou shalt be respectful to every parent here.
• Thou shalt be thyself at all times. We aren’t super-parents; we’re human. Being honest will help you; holding it in won’t.
• Thou shalt laugh at thyself. It’ll make you feel better.
• Thou shalt ask questions. There are stupid questions in this world, but it’s been our experience that parents of kids with these sorts of needs don’t ask them.
• If thou doth wisheth to offer advice, doeth it constructively or shuteth thy hole.
• Thou shalt value thy children regardless of what they are going through. Thou may be having a day where thou’d rather send them off with the gypsies, and that’s fine. Thou can do that (feel like sending them off, not actually doing it, though) and still love them.
• Thou shalt celebrate thy children’s hard-earned achievements, no matter how small. However, if it involves doing the Riverdance, thou might want to closeth thy blinds.
• Thou shalt not be a horse’s ass.
• Thou shalt always be an advocate for thy children.
• Thou shalt never give up.
• Thou shalt go to Italy, regardless of what that poem says. Thou wilt have to change planes in Holland anyway, trust me.

Here’s what we believe:

• There’s nothing ‘wrong’ with our child or yours. He or she may be struggling to overcome some or many things, but our children are perfect just as they are.
• We will do what is necessary to help our child reach his or her full potential, whatever that is.
• We know more about our child than anyone else. We will not blindly accept the judgments of others, no matter how ‘expert’ they may be.
• We will, however, listen to any and all advice given to us. We reserve the right to use it, adapt it to our needs, or ignore it and make fun of it.
• We are perfectly fine with people asking us questions about our son and all the therapies we go to. There is a lot of information to share and learning from each other is how we become better parents. In the rare cases where the questioner is trying to reinforce their belief that all parents with special needs kids are weird or must be doing something wrong, I will instruct my son to go take a whiz on your front door.
• We will work to be OK with not being perfect. We will work to be OK with not being OK with not being perfect. And so on.
• People who ignore our experience and understanding of our child, treat us like idiots, and think they know more than we do about him just because they have a long string of initials after their name can go to hell.
• You have our permission to say “bite me” or be sarcastic to anyone who makes an idiotic comment to you in public. Example: “No, I never thought about talking to my child more. We decided before we had children that we were all going to become mimes.”
• Never use a big word when profanity will do.
• Anyone who judges our children, says anything derogatory about them, or makes fun of them will get their ass kicked and their name taken. Once time travel is invented, we will go back in time and smack their parents, too.
• Parents who can affirm each other with all their flaws and foibles and be supportive and understanding in the midst of all the emotions that come with this are the best people we know. We love you!

To borrow the famous philosophers’ words, “Be excellent to each other. And, party on, dudes!”

To put it simply, this is primarily a blog for parents - particularly of ’special needs’ kids - who feel either stupid, occasionally or perpetually inept at parenting, or, most likely, both. This doesn’t mean you really are stupid or inept, but if you’ve ever been so mental that you’ve made it to the mailbox in your underwear before realizing it, you definitely will start to question everything. If you didn’t realize your ‘garment deficiency’ until your neighbor asked you about it the next day, you’ll really feel at home here.

We’re the proud parents of our 2 1/2-year-old son, who is the bright star at the center of our universe. He has an exuberance that can brighten any room. He also has a great many struggles, but he faces them bravely and with a determination that inspires us. He goes to various therapies during the week, all of which we’ll cover in future entries.

Some of his issues have a fairly clear diagnosis; others do not. The most obvious one is Sensory Integration Disorder. You’ll also see this referred to as Sensory Processing Disorder, Sensory Integration Dysfunction, and a few other things. The idea is essentially the same.

There is a growing sense that he also has apraxia of speech. He uses very few words and the challenge has been to understand why. He also has some issues with coordinating fine motor movements, which is most likely related to his sensory problems. As a result, he can’t really sign either.

He’s also very delayed in his eating skills. He was in feeding therapy for a long time and still is to a lesser degree. He only eats a few foods. It became clear that he’s not ‘picky’ but instead has sensory reactions to many types of food. It’s complicated, but we’ll get more into it later.

The good news is that he seems to understand us quite well and follows instructions as well as most two-year-olds. He’s a social kid and gets along well with most anyone. Thankfully, he has very few tantrums, and when he does they are very short.

The complicating problem is that he also has some other indeterminate developmental delays. Autism has been bandied about, but none of his therapists currently think that’s likely because of his social skills and general ability to tolerate situations and activities that kids with Asperger’s or autism usually cannot.

So, we’re on a quest to help our son decipher the world and grow into his full potential. We know other parents are going through this too, often without support or understanding of what to do. Our hope is to connect with parents who are struggling to understand what is going on and share whatever insights we have with each other.

I guess you could say that this is our way of talking through things in hopes of discovering the answers to our countless parenting questions. If we can find common insight and community with other parents and help each other figure things out, then we’ll have accomplished something here.

You don’t need to have a child working through anything we’ve mentioned above. If your child is having a hard time and you feel clueless or frustrated, you’re in the right place. We know that a lot of parents of special needs kids feel isolated, stupid, and frustrated. Be welcome here! You’re in good company.

This will be a tag team blog. My wife will share her wise and sage-like thoughts, and I’ll do whatever it is I do. We’ll try to keep it light-hearted and fun, but we aren’t bouncy, chipper types so who knows what else will come out of our fingers.

So, here we go!

Oh - in case you’re wondering, it comes from the saying, “He can’t find his own ass with both hands and a flashlight.”